Passover was an interesting experience. I spent the first days with an ultra-modern family and the last days with a black-hat yeshivish one. For the first days, I was the one in dull-colored clothing among brightly dressed women who all sang loudly and beautifully at the table. The last days were the reverse where I fretted over the way my neckline fell and whether or not it was okay to wear a purple skirt. I participated in the singing by clapping my hands and encouraging the men while they sang. We didn't sing ourselves until late at night when we walked along the deserted streets to our beds and, even then, we sang softly and kept an eye out for any men who might be within earshot.
Sometimes I feel like I don't belong anywhere.
On one hand, it was wonderful to be with so many different people. I went from families that eat grebroks (where people mix matza and water to make various dishes) to non-grebroks households to the family who didn't use any prepared foods during Passover (making their own mayo, berry water and lemonade). I had a lot of fascinating discussions about different customs and the line between custom and law.
I had conversations with people from Lakewood, California and Cleveland, from Virginia and Baltimore. I sat in a shul where men and women could clearly see each other through the glass-topped mehitza. I sat in another where we were seated in the back behind a wooden screen, and the black-hatted men in front were standing room only.
It was the kind of variety I live for, but it also didn't give me any solid place to put my feet.
Then I went to a class for women only where we were told that the Torah says that a woman's path to happiness is through being married. I wasn't the only older single who cringed at that, although the rest of the talk was enjoyable.
Today I went to a class my Rabbi was giving and got to listen to him repeatedly translate "tamei" as "contaminated" even though, in practically the same sentence, he said that "tamei" wasn't dirty, bad or wrong and you could get that way even through performing a mitzvah. I don't want to think of myself as being "contaminated" at times because I am a woman. Not ever. And I don't believe that the Torah says that "tamei" means "contaminated". Why couldn't he just say that it was a bad translation, the way a lot of other people do?
On the way home, I cried from frustration and alienation. My rabbi is a kiruv rabbi, not a modern rabbi. I know that. I know I don't have to agree with everything he says.
I've spent my whole life trying to find the path I believe is right. Not the one everyone else is taking. Certainly not the "easy" path.
But, sometimes, I wish I didn't feel so alone.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Getting into Debt... and Purim
In a blog I read, someone posted about how sad it was to see people who didn't even have to pay tuition yet get into credit card debt. That got me started thinking... How did I get here?
A lot of it is easily explainable. The Lovely Lemon needed a new roof. The washing machine started decorating my clothes with big black marks. The hot water heater died. The repair man said that he couldn't keep patching up my heat pump. A ceiling collapsed. (Apparently that last was happening all over the neighborhood.) I could go on for a whole "woe is me" post about the Lovely Lemon.
Of course, there is also the other side. I remember when we all got our first "real" jobs out of college. We were making so much more than we ever had before... the money seemed endless. One guy who who was making a mint as a programmer frequently took all his friends out drinks at the local bar (with the inevitable $1,000 bar tab). I knew people who had never used their kitchen to cook; every meal was eaten out. No one counted the cost of going to the movies or looked at the price tag when they bought a new blouse. Everyone drove a new car and had their own beautifully furnished apartment.
Compared to that... I was renting a room and saving up for my own place. Absolutely everyone I knew had a car loan, so that seemed a normal enough expense. I developed a taste for the theater and my season tickets gave me an excuse not to work late every night. I liked going to a dress ball once a year and, of course, each year I had to outdo the dress I wore the year before. But, I comforted myself, it was only one fancy dress a year. It was nothing like the expensive designer wardrobes the other women at work had. Later, ball gowns were replaced by fancy purim costumes. I went on an organic kick and bought overpriced everything because it claimed to be better for the environment.
At the same time, I was maxing out my 401k. I bought my own home which was mostly furnished with hand-me-downs from when friends or my parents upgraded. Didn't I deserve my little treats? They were so much less compared to everyone else. At some point, things got a bit out of control. I consolidated with the Bank of Mom and Dad and started cutting back. That was hard at first, but I found ways to make sure that my credit cards never got to the point where my tax return wasn't enough to pay them off. It was so frustrating to feel that I was making an excellent salary, being "sensible," and *still* sliding into debt. Dad said that I was doing a great job with my 401K and could afford to cut back a couple of percentage points to make my life a little easier.
Then the bottom fell out of the economy. I have 14 years left on my mortgage. My job is rock solid. Still... it's not the same as when the tech bubble collapsed. Everyone is cutting back. Everyone is frightened. I'm suddenly uncomfortable with my car loan. I started clipping coupons and helping out friends who are having a hard time putting food on the table. I downloaded an Excel amortization worksheet and started drawing up charts for getting everything paid off as quickly as possible.
I remember, as a girl, when the bottom fell out of the industry that Daddy worked in. I remember him bring bags of groceries to former co-workers. I remember being scared.
At the same time I want to cut back, I want to do more in other areas. I've been trying to increase my tzedaka. I'm giving more shalach manos. I'm trying to do it in a sensible way with 50 cent gift bags from Big Lots and just a little bottle to drink and one small box of candy per person. I'm new enough to orthodox Judaism that I don't want anyone to have to worry about the state of my kitchen. The cost of shalach manos worked out to be less than $50 for everyone. That was more expensive than I would have liked, but there are other places in my budget I can trim to come up with $50. I've been having second thoughts about taking that $100 from my windfall to spend on myself anyway... I'm worried it might undermine my attempts at setting up a budget-happy mindset. The $15 rebate check I got in the mail the other day is going straight to the car loan. The same goes for the $30 Quicken rebate check. I've already spent that money and readjusted my monthly budget around not having it-- might as well put the rebate checks against the car loan.
I think I'm doing okay. I recently spent a shabbos with the woman who turned me on to the Complete Tightwad Gazette and she thinks I'm doing fine... but how much of this feeling that things are on the right track due to my tax refunds and that windfall. How much of it will evaporate once that money is gone?
And, of course, I'm still going to wear that expensive Purim costume I bought last summer.
A lot of it is easily explainable. The Lovely Lemon needed a new roof. The washing machine started decorating my clothes with big black marks. The hot water heater died. The repair man said that he couldn't keep patching up my heat pump. A ceiling collapsed. (Apparently that last was happening all over the neighborhood.) I could go on for a whole "woe is me" post about the Lovely Lemon.
Of course, there is also the other side. I remember when we all got our first "real" jobs out of college. We were making so much more than we ever had before... the money seemed endless. One guy who who was making a mint as a programmer frequently took all his friends out drinks at the local bar (with the inevitable $1,000 bar tab). I knew people who had never used their kitchen to cook; every meal was eaten out. No one counted the cost of going to the movies or looked at the price tag when they bought a new blouse. Everyone drove a new car and had their own beautifully furnished apartment.
Compared to that... I was renting a room and saving up for my own place. Absolutely everyone I knew had a car loan, so that seemed a normal enough expense. I developed a taste for the theater and my season tickets gave me an excuse not to work late every night. I liked going to a dress ball once a year and, of course, each year I had to outdo the dress I wore the year before. But, I comforted myself, it was only one fancy dress a year. It was nothing like the expensive designer wardrobes the other women at work had. Later, ball gowns were replaced by fancy purim costumes. I went on an organic kick and bought overpriced everything because it claimed to be better for the environment.
At the same time, I was maxing out my 401k. I bought my own home which was mostly furnished with hand-me-downs from when friends or my parents upgraded. Didn't I deserve my little treats? They were so much less compared to everyone else. At some point, things got a bit out of control. I consolidated with the Bank of Mom and Dad and started cutting back. That was hard at first, but I found ways to make sure that my credit cards never got to the point where my tax return wasn't enough to pay them off. It was so frustrating to feel that I was making an excellent salary, being "sensible," and *still* sliding into debt. Dad said that I was doing a great job with my 401K and could afford to cut back a couple of percentage points to make my life a little easier.
Then the bottom fell out of the economy. I have 14 years left on my mortgage. My job is rock solid. Still... it's not the same as when the tech bubble collapsed. Everyone is cutting back. Everyone is frightened. I'm suddenly uncomfortable with my car loan. I started clipping coupons and helping out friends who are having a hard time putting food on the table. I downloaded an Excel amortization worksheet and started drawing up charts for getting everything paid off as quickly as possible.
I remember, as a girl, when the bottom fell out of the industry that Daddy worked in. I remember him bring bags of groceries to former co-workers. I remember being scared.
At the same time I want to cut back, I want to do more in other areas. I've been trying to increase my tzedaka. I'm giving more shalach manos. I'm trying to do it in a sensible way with 50 cent gift bags from Big Lots and just a little bottle to drink and one small box of candy per person. I'm new enough to orthodox Judaism that I don't want anyone to have to worry about the state of my kitchen. The cost of shalach manos worked out to be less than $50 for everyone. That was more expensive than I would have liked, but there are other places in my budget I can trim to come up with $50. I've been having second thoughts about taking that $100 from my windfall to spend on myself anyway... I'm worried it might undermine my attempts at setting up a budget-happy mindset. The $15 rebate check I got in the mail the other day is going straight to the car loan. The same goes for the $30 Quicken rebate check. I've already spent that money and readjusted my monthly budget around not having it-- might as well put the rebate checks against the car loan.
I think I'm doing okay. I recently spent a shabbos with the woman who turned me on to the Complete Tightwad Gazette and she thinks I'm doing fine... but how much of this feeling that things are on the right track due to my tax refunds and that windfall. How much of it will evaporate once that money is gone?
And, of course, I'm still going to wear that expensive Purim costume I bought last summer.
Monday, March 2, 2009
unexpected windfall
I've been trying to do a little financial housekeeping. For several years now, I've gotten letters from my state saying that I have unclaimed property. I never responded, because I always assumed that it was some sort of scam. But, well, times being what they are, I did a little poking around and it seemed to be legitimate. So, I thought, if one state owes me money, does anyone else? One of the things I did was go on the Web and look at those unclaimed money websites. It turns out that two states said that I have unclaimed property. I filled out the forms and sent them off.
At any rate, today I got a check from the District of Columbia... for a thousand dollars. I think the breakdown is going to go something like this:
$250 - set aside for taxes on the windfall
$250 - into the emergency fund
$100 - I really really want to try this new hair salon
$100 - tzedaka (hey, you have to say "thank you")
$300 - pay down car loan
Hmm... I get to be responsible AND have fun too! Haircut here I come!!!!
And, yes, I am keeping an eye on my credit report just in case this turns out to have been a scam.
At any rate, today I got a check from the District of Columbia... for a thousand dollars. I think the breakdown is going to go something like this:
$250 - set aside for taxes on the windfall
$250 - into the emergency fund
$100 - I really really want to try this new hair salon
$100 - tzedaka (hey, you have to say "thank you")
$300 - pay down car loan
Hmm... I get to be responsible AND have fun too! Haircut here I come!!!!
And, yes, I am keeping an eye on my credit report just in case this turns out to have been a scam.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
throwing money at a problem
I think I realized why I was able to pay off those credit cards this month. I got a phone call today from a family I sometimes stay by for shabbos. Things are... not good. She wants a divorce, but her husband won't give her one. He's out of work again. This is a fairly frequent occurrence. He's a hard and dedicated worker but somehow jobs never quite seem to work out for long.
He told her that they don't have enough money to make chicken soup for shabbos (or for her to go to the doctor), but he's planning on taking some $5,000 get-rich-quick course that teaches real estate investment techniques. I could hear the hatred in her voice when she told me of this plan.
The thing, though, that really frightens me is that this man who firmly believes in daas torah wouldn't listen when his rabbi sought him out to tell him that he shouldn't go to this "investment" class. His faith was the only thing he had left-- I'm more than a little worried about him. He's a good man, but his career and family life seem to be in tatters. I can only hope that his not allowing himself to be guided by his rav doesn't mean that he's losing faith entirely.
They are two lovely people who never should have married. I adore them both (when they're not together in the same room).
There is nothing that I can do except offer to be a buffer between them on shabbos and perhaps provide some comfort for their children.
I've offered to ferry the kids to museums and take them to the movies. Coraline is still in the theaters, I think. I haven't seen the movie, but I loved the book. I didn't think there was anything in there that either parent would find objectionable. (They don't have a television in the house, but they do allow movies and secular books.)
I think that this might be a good way to spend some of the money that I'm no longer wasting on credit card interest. (Don't worry, I'm still going to put the rest of the "extra" towards my car loan each month.) It won't really help anything, but it might make the children smile a little. If I could make them forget, even just for an hour, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing.
He told her that they don't have enough money to make chicken soup for shabbos (or for her to go to the doctor), but he's planning on taking some $5,000 get-rich-quick course that teaches real estate investment techniques. I could hear the hatred in her voice when she told me of this plan.
The thing, though, that really frightens me is that this man who firmly believes in daas torah wouldn't listen when his rabbi sought him out to tell him that he shouldn't go to this "investment" class. His faith was the only thing he had left-- I'm more than a little worried about him. He's a good man, but his career and family life seem to be in tatters. I can only hope that his not allowing himself to be guided by his rav doesn't mean that he's losing faith entirely.
They are two lovely people who never should have married. I adore them both (when they're not together in the same room).
There is nothing that I can do except offer to be a buffer between them on shabbos and perhaps provide some comfort for their children.
I've offered to ferry the kids to museums and take them to the movies. Coraline is still in the theaters, I think. I haven't seen the movie, but I loved the book. I didn't think there was anything in there that either parent would find objectionable. (They don't have a television in the house, but they do allow movies and secular books.)
I think that this might be a good way to spend some of the money that I'm no longer wasting on credit card interest. (Don't worry, I'm still going to put the rest of the "extra" towards my car loan each month.) It won't really help anything, but it might make the children smile a little. If I could make them forget, even just for an hour, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
tax refunds and bribes
My tax refunds showed up in my bank account yesterday, so I paid off all my credit cards in full (except for the 3.99% one that I'm treating as a bank loan). That leaves me with my mortgage (5.5%), my car loan (5.99%), the loan from the Bank of Mom and Dad, and that 3.99%-until-I-pay-it off credit card.
The plan is to transfer my credit card payments to my car loan and get that paid off a year and a half early. Then I can decide between putting the car loan payment amount towards the Bank of Mom and Dad, the mortgage or that last low-interest credit card.
But... I was feeling good from having paid those cards off and... (sigh) this is what got me in trouble in the first place. I started a new "I want" list. There's that tznius flannel nightgown I've been eyeing for ages. I also wanted some new pairs of stockings. And a pair of brown boots. I also want a new laptop and a digital camera. And to get my hair colored again.
Of course, my emergency fund is pathetically low, so I really need to start paying attention to that too. It's really not fair to keep going back to the Bank of Mom and Dad every time something breaks at the Lovely Lemon. (I keep telling myself that nothing else can possibly go wrong at the Lemon, but then a pipe bursts or the oven breaks or.... Come to think of it, I really should be saving up for a new oven.)
The nightgown just went on sale and I'm tired of making sure that my skirts are long enough to cover the holes in my stockings, so I treated myself to the nightgown and four pairs of cotton stockings. $500 of the remainder went into my emergency account. I deserve a little bit of reward for paying off those cards, don't I? And while I don't actually need a flannel nightgown, it would make me happy (and make me feel better about turning the thermostat down to 60 degrees at night). The new stockings should have been purchased months ago. I should get some new nylons, for those times when I don't want to look like a Bais Yaakov-wanna-be, but I hate the fact that they develop runs after only being worn once or twice. Stockings make much more sense.
The boots will be my bribe for next month... If I'm good (defined as not charging anything to the credit card that I can't pay off that same month and putting an extra $150 towards my car loan), then I can have the boots. After that, the "I wants" get a little more expensive. I can't exactly treat myself to a third of a digital camera as my monthly bribe. I'll have to figure something out.
I've also been toying with the idea of creating a tzedaka account to make it easier to keep track of my charitable contributions. I sent out a bunch of post-dated checks at the beginning of the year to each place, but I should probably start giving more since I'm having so much success paying things off.
The plan is to transfer my credit card payments to my car loan and get that paid off a year and a half early. Then I can decide between putting the car loan payment amount towards the Bank of Mom and Dad, the mortgage or that last low-interest credit card.
But... I was feeling good from having paid those cards off and... (sigh) this is what got me in trouble in the first place. I started a new "I want" list. There's that tznius flannel nightgown I've been eyeing for ages. I also wanted some new pairs of stockings. And a pair of brown boots. I also want a new laptop and a digital camera. And to get my hair colored again.
Of course, my emergency fund is pathetically low, so I really need to start paying attention to that too. It's really not fair to keep going back to the Bank of Mom and Dad every time something breaks at the Lovely Lemon. (I keep telling myself that nothing else can possibly go wrong at the Lemon, but then a pipe bursts or the oven breaks or.... Come to think of it, I really should be saving up for a new oven.)
The nightgown just went on sale and I'm tired of making sure that my skirts are long enough to cover the holes in my stockings, so I treated myself to the nightgown and four pairs of cotton stockings. $500 of the remainder went into my emergency account. I deserve a little bit of reward for paying off those cards, don't I? And while I don't actually need a flannel nightgown, it would make me happy (and make me feel better about turning the thermostat down to 60 degrees at night). The new stockings should have been purchased months ago. I should get some new nylons, for those times when I don't want to look like a Bais Yaakov-wanna-be, but I hate the fact that they develop runs after only being worn once or twice. Stockings make much more sense.
The boots will be my bribe for next month... If I'm good (defined as not charging anything to the credit card that I can't pay off that same month and putting an extra $150 towards my car loan), then I can have the boots. After that, the "I wants" get a little more expensive. I can't exactly treat myself to a third of a digital camera as my monthly bribe. I'll have to figure something out.
I've also been toying with the idea of creating a tzedaka account to make it easier to keep track of my charitable contributions. I sent out a bunch of post-dated checks at the beginning of the year to each place, but I should probably start giving more since I'm having so much success paying things off.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
tricky credit cards
I got an interesting reminder this month to keep my eyes open.
From http://www.lowcards.com/2009/01/credit-card-reward-programs-changing.html:
"This month, Chase added a $10 monthly fee and increased the minimum payment from 2 to 5% for cardholders who have carried a large balance for over two years and pay only the minimum each month. "While this minimum payment increase is good for forcing cardholders to pay down their balance, this monthly fee has created an outcry from affected cardholders," says Hardekopf."
It's a good thing that I've started paying attention to the fine print the credit card companies have started sending out. I was one of those who took advantage of Chase's 3.99% balance transfer rate until you pay it off in full. I canceled the card last month when they tried to raise the rate on new purchases. Even though I didn't use that card for anything except the 3.99% balance transfer rate, it was annoying me that they'd raise my rate when I hadn't done anything wrong.
It's a good thing I did, because I'm one of those people who carry a large balance (hey, 3.99% is barely over inflation-- it's lower than my mortgage, so it's going to get paid off last) and make a small payment each month. I would NOT have been happy to see a $10/month fee and increased minimum payment.
Of course, all of my cards are raising their rates now. I guess that's a good thing. It'll encourage me to pay off all my cards (except the one that at a lower interest rate than my mortgage) and stop putting on more than I can pay off in full each month.
I have this bad habit of starting to carry a balance around August each year and not pay it off until I get my tax refund.
From http://www.lowcards.com/2009/01/credit-card-reward-programs-changing.html:
"This month, Chase added a $10 monthly fee and increased the minimum payment from 2 to 5% for cardholders who have carried a large balance for over two years and pay only the minimum each month. "While this minimum payment increase is good for forcing cardholders to pay down their balance, this monthly fee has created an outcry from affected cardholders," says Hardekopf."
It's a good thing that I've started paying attention to the fine print the credit card companies have started sending out. I was one of those who took advantage of Chase's 3.99% balance transfer rate until you pay it off in full. I canceled the card last month when they tried to raise the rate on new purchases. Even though I didn't use that card for anything except the 3.99% balance transfer rate, it was annoying me that they'd raise my rate when I hadn't done anything wrong.
It's a good thing I did, because I'm one of those people who carry a large balance (hey, 3.99% is barely over inflation-- it's lower than my mortgage, so it's going to get paid off last) and make a small payment each month. I would NOT have been happy to see a $10/month fee and increased minimum payment.
Of course, all of my cards are raising their rates now. I guess that's a good thing. It'll encourage me to pay off all my cards (except the one that at a lower interest rate than my mortgage) and stop putting on more than I can pay off in full each month.
I have this bad habit of starting to carry a balance around August each year and not pay it off until I get my tax refund.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
winter economy
It's funny how easy it is to take things for granted. I received a letter in the mail from Chase yesterday, telling me that they were raising the interest rate on one of my cards from 8.9% to 13%. Now, it's not a card that I use very often, but I was annoyed that they were raising my rates, so I canceled it. Things seem to be tightening up even for people with good credit scores, it seems. A month ago, this card was offering me a 3.9% balance transfer rate that was locked in at that rate until I paid it off. Now they're trying to raise my rate by 50%.
I called a friend yesterday to complain about the "lousy" raise I got this year. He didn't have much sympathy for me. His employer has frozen all salaries and is starting to institute furloughs.
I know I shouldn't complain. I had a pipe burst last week, but that is covered by insurance. I know I can carve the $500 deductible out of my budget somewhere... But it's easy to get discouraged as I sift through piles of books that were ruined by my flooded basement.
Maybe it's just the winter getting to me. I never did like the cold.
I called a friend yesterday to complain about the "lousy" raise I got this year. He didn't have much sympathy for me. His employer has frozen all salaries and is starting to institute furloughs.
I know I shouldn't complain. I had a pipe burst last week, but that is covered by insurance. I know I can carve the $500 deductible out of my budget somewhere... But it's easy to get discouraged as I sift through piles of books that were ruined by my flooded basement.
Maybe it's just the winter getting to me. I never did like the cold.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
I've been thinking a lot about comment The Rebbitzen's Husband left on my last bog post, the one about the man who was giving so much tzedaka that his family was suffering. The one question that I keep turning over and over in my head is-- should I try to do anything about it? Does my friendship give me the right to interfere?
I haven't been doing much interfering with anything recently. I've been spending a lot of time at home, trying to take care of things. One of my pets passed away, so haven't wanted to spend shabbos away from the ones that are left to me. I think they're mostly through the grieving process now-- or at least I am. I am a single, childless woman in my 30s. Pets are good substitutes for babies or... at least they're the substitutes left to me.
At any rate, I've had a number of shabboses at home to search for clarity and work on myself. I've started to work on my Rosh Hashanah resolutions:
I joined Partners in Torah and downloaded some shirim (although I haven't started listening to them yet.) Also, after shabbos, I sat down and wrote out checks to a number of causes I wanted to support. I hope they won't mind receiving a dozen post-dated $15 checks, but that was the easiest way to put my thoughts into action.
Partners in Torah is interesting. My partner is very nice, but I'm not so sure that I agree with a lot of stuff in the book we're studying. For example, one of the things I learned this week is that I'm supposed to have a dedicated shabbos wardrobe that is nicer than anything I wear during the week. Does she have any idea how much that would cost? Which shul should not get tzedakah money from me this year so that I can do this?
I haven't been doing much interfering with anything recently. I've been spending a lot of time at home, trying to take care of things. One of my pets passed away, so haven't wanted to spend shabbos away from the ones that are left to me. I think they're mostly through the grieving process now-- or at least I am. I am a single, childless woman in my 30s. Pets are good substitutes for babies or... at least they're the substitutes left to me.
At any rate, I've had a number of shabboses at home to search for clarity and work on myself. I've started to work on my Rosh Hashanah resolutions:
I joined Partners in Torah and downloaded some shirim (although I haven't started listening to them yet.) Also, after shabbos, I sat down and wrote out checks to a number of causes I wanted to support. I hope they won't mind receiving a dozen post-dated $15 checks, but that was the easiest way to put my thoughts into action.
Partners in Torah is interesting. My partner is very nice, but I'm not so sure that I agree with a lot of stuff in the book we're studying. For example, one of the things I learned this week is that I'm supposed to have a dedicated shabbos wardrobe that is nicer than anything I wear during the week. Does she have any idea how much that would cost? Which shul should not get tzedakah money from me this year so that I can do this?
Monday, November 10, 2008
giving too much
I recently discovered that someone I know is insisting on giving 20% tzedakah. Apparently there are special benefits listed in the gamara for people who give that much charity.
Of course, his wife went without a mammogram the other year because they couldn't afford one. His wife and children regularly visit the gamach for their clothing. His son didn't get even get a cake (home baked or otherwise) for his birthday. There isn't a dime put away for their old age.
A friend of mine has offered to assist with an upcoming simcha. What they don't realize, is that she is helping them out with *her* tzedakah money because *they* insist on giving 20% to others.
Sometimes, I wish someone would slip a word to their rav about this.
Is this an isolated instance of insanity, or are other people doing this too?
I suppose I don't have a right to be angry, but this feels wrong on so many levels.
Of course, his wife went without a mammogram the other year because they couldn't afford one. His wife and children regularly visit the gamach for their clothing. His son didn't get even get a cake (home baked or otherwise) for his birthday. There isn't a dime put away for their old age.
A friend of mine has offered to assist with an upcoming simcha. What they don't realize, is that she is helping them out with *her* tzedakah money because *they* insist on giving 20% to others.
Sometimes, I wish someone would slip a word to their rav about this.
Is this an isolated instance of insanity, or are other people doing this too?
I suppose I don't have a right to be angry, but this feels wrong on so many levels.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Is Sarah Palin Jewish?
(This post is an expansion of comments I posted on Frumpter's post: Is Sarah Palin Jewish. He, in turn, links to a number of related articles on the web.)
The short answer is: the "articles" I've seen on the Blogosphere offer no proof that she is.
I've been doing Lithuanian Jewish genealogy for only about 10 years, but this article struck me as wrong on a few grounds:
"Further information on Governor Palin's ancestors can easily be found in the vital records in the Lithuanian State Historical Archives in Vilnius."
I wish! Actually, the only known surviving birth/marriage/death records for Vilkavisis that are for birth: 1810-1811; 1876; 1922-1939
for marriage: 1810-1811; 1904/1925 (RECONSTRUCTED RECORDS); 1922-1939
for death: 1810-1811; 1877; 1880; 1922-1923; 1925-1939 (source: rtrfoundation.org search for Vilkavisis). RTR Foundation is an online database of known East European Jewish records.
Anyone who says that a Lithuanian genealogy can be "easily" found in the vital records is lying. LitvakSIG, a group dedicated to obtaining and transcribing Lithuanian Jewish Genealogy records, has been working on pulling these records out for years. It is NOT easy. (As a side note, LitvakSIG is hosted by JewishGen. They announced at the last International Association of Jewish Genealogical Societies (IAJGS) convention that they are in the process of moving to more robust servers. I don't think this has happened yet, so please be understanding if you have issues connecting to the site. LitvakSIG and JewishGen are non-profit organizations supported by donations, so please consider helping them out if you think that their work is valuable and interesting.)
Note that the critical year in the Palin case (1912) is not known to exist (source, record search on http://rtrfoundation.org/). The gaps in the records make it difficult to prove parentage with any certainty. Most of the Marijampole District records that can be obtained have been translated by LitvakSIG volunteers and donations. Note that the records during the time period we're talking about can no longer be obtained as they fall within the EU 100-year privacy blackout. LitvakSIG has some of these records (since the blackout was just instated within the past couple of years), but not all. An interested party can check out what is available on LitvakSIGs All Lithuanian Database and see just how difficult this would be to prove with any certainty.
Then there is another problem with the Jewish Sarah Palin theory:
"The Names Are Altered. At Ellis Island Immigration Centre, the name was entered as Sheeran, a standard practice when immigration officers were unable to understand the pronunciation of non-English speaking immigrants."
This is also less than true. The Ellis Island records were translated directly from the ship manifest. Transcription mistakes did happen, but this "standard practice" nonsense is a bubemeiser. You would need to carefully trace the family tree to see if you could map it back to the Ellis Island records. This can be done, of course. A combination of naturalization records, WWI/WWII registrations, census entries, city directories, voter registrations and U.S. birth/marriage/death records (among others) can be used to pinpoint the immigrant ship manifest even if the immigrant name was different on the manifest. You can then take that information to set up plausible connections to the surviving records in Lithuania (which may include census data, tax records and (if you're lucky, birth/marriage/death records). The Palin-is-Jewish story didn't offer ANY evidence that there is a shred of actual proof beyond "wouldn't it be cool if." You can't simply say that "Green" sounds awfully like "Greenberg," therefore the person must be of Jewish descent! Well, you could, but you would likely be wrong.
The third issue that raised a flag for me:
As for the cemetery, this is what seems to be popping up on Google:
"members of the Sheigam family are buried in the Jewish cemetery Budezeriai"
There may indeed be Sheigams buried in a Jewish cemetery at Budezeriai (I didn't bother to see if I could find the data online), but this is NOT proof that they are related in any way shape or form to Sarah Palin.
The short answer is: the "articles" I've seen on the Blogosphere offer no proof that she is.
I've been doing Lithuanian Jewish genealogy for only about 10 years, but this article struck me as wrong on a few grounds:
"Further information on Governor Palin's ancestors can easily be found in the vital records in the Lithuanian State Historical Archives in Vilnius."
I wish! Actually, the only known surviving birth/marriage/death records for Vilkavisis that are for birth: 1810-1811; 1876; 1922-1939
for marriage: 1810-1811; 1904/1925 (RECONSTRUCTED RECORDS); 1922-1939
for death: 1810-1811; 1877; 1880; 1922-1923; 1925-1939 (source: rtrfoundation.org search for Vilkavisis). RTR Foundation is an online database of known East European Jewish records.
Anyone who says that a Lithuanian genealogy can be "easily" found in the vital records is lying. LitvakSIG, a group dedicated to obtaining and transcribing Lithuanian Jewish Genealogy records, has been working on pulling these records out for years. It is NOT easy. (As a side note, LitvakSIG is hosted by JewishGen. They announced at the last International Association of Jewish Genealogical Societies (IAJGS) convention that they are in the process of moving to more robust servers. I don't think this has happened yet, so please be understanding if you have issues connecting to the site. LitvakSIG and JewishGen are non-profit organizations supported by donations, so please consider helping them out if you think that their work is valuable and interesting.)
Note that the critical year in the Palin case (1912) is not known to exist (source, record search on http://rtrfoundation.org/). The gaps in the records make it difficult to prove parentage with any certainty. Most of the Marijampole District records that can be obtained have been translated by LitvakSIG volunteers and donations. Note that the records during the time period we're talking about can no longer be obtained as they fall within the EU 100-year privacy blackout. LitvakSIG has some of these records (since the blackout was just instated within the past couple of years), but not all. An interested party can check out what is available on LitvakSIGs All Lithuanian Database and see just how difficult this would be to prove with any certainty.
Then there is another problem with the Jewish Sarah Palin theory:
"The Names Are Altered. At Ellis Island Immigration Centre, the name was entered as Sheeran, a standard practice when immigration officers were unable to understand the pronunciation of non-English speaking immigrants."
This is also less than true. The Ellis Island records were translated directly from the ship manifest. Transcription mistakes did happen, but this "standard practice" nonsense is a bubemeiser. You would need to carefully trace the family tree to see if you could map it back to the Ellis Island records. This can be done, of course. A combination of naturalization records, WWI/WWII registrations, census entries, city directories, voter registrations and U.S. birth/marriage/death records (among others) can be used to pinpoint the immigrant ship manifest even if the immigrant name was different on the manifest. You can then take that information to set up plausible connections to the surviving records in Lithuania (which may include census data, tax records and (if you're lucky, birth/marriage/death records). The Palin-is-Jewish story didn't offer ANY evidence that there is a shred of actual proof beyond "wouldn't it be cool if." You can't simply say that "Green" sounds awfully like "Greenberg," therefore the person must be of Jewish descent! Well, you could, but you would likely be wrong.
The third issue that raised a flag for me:
As for the cemetery, this is what seems to be popping up on Google:
"members of the Sheigam family are buried in the Jewish cemetery Budezeriai"
There may indeed be Sheigams buried in a Jewish cemetery at Budezeriai (I didn't bother to see if I could find the data online), but this is NOT proof that they are related in any way shape or form to Sarah Palin.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Simchat Torah
I had a girls-only Yom Tov. One thing that really troubled me at first was the separation of the sexes in Orthodox Judaism, but I've since started to see the value in a women-only community.
Simchat Torah was always problematic. Singing and dancing *is* a kind of prayer to me. I don't see Simchat Torah as one long party-- to me it is one long session of using our bodies and voices to get closer to Hashem. That's why it was so troubling when the women sat around talking or silently watching the men and children celebrate. I felt like a tree cut of from its roots, unable to tap into the energy and Connection that was forming on the other side of the mehitza.
It helped a lot to finally realize what my problem was. This Simchat Torah, I was introduced to the concept of shul hopping. My friends and I found places where I could sing without worrying about being overheard, where we could clap our hands and bob about in time to the music. I could participate, even if I couldn't find women interested in dancing with me. Even if I couldn't touch the Torah.
I've been working through my relationship with the Torah As An Object. I heard a rabbi talk a few weeks ago about the whether it was the Torah as a physical object that was holy or the words behind it. He raised the possibility that it was almost idolatry to venerate the torah the way some people have a tendency to do. The important part is what is written, is what is embodied within klal yisrael.
The meaning and energy that I crave so desperately shouldn't be tied to whether or not I can hold a Torah in my arms. When I first started to become religious, I would cry when the ark opened because it felt as if I was suddenly in the presence of Hashem. I slowly learned to take that-- whatever it was that I felt-- and find it elsewhere in the davening and elsewhere. I suspect that process will take the rest of my life, trying to bring that feeling of holiness to every part of my life.
Still, sometimes I want to take a shortcut and dance with the men. Sometimes it seems as if they have the easier path.
Simchat Torah was always problematic. Singing and dancing *is* a kind of prayer to me. I don't see Simchat Torah as one long party-- to me it is one long session of using our bodies and voices to get closer to Hashem. That's why it was so troubling when the women sat around talking or silently watching the men and children celebrate. I felt like a tree cut of from its roots, unable to tap into the energy and Connection that was forming on the other side of the mehitza.
It helped a lot to finally realize what my problem was. This Simchat Torah, I was introduced to the concept of shul hopping. My friends and I found places where I could sing without worrying about being overheard, where we could clap our hands and bob about in time to the music. I could participate, even if I couldn't find women interested in dancing with me. Even if I couldn't touch the Torah.
I've been working through my relationship with the Torah As An Object. I heard a rabbi talk a few weeks ago about the whether it was the Torah as a physical object that was holy or the words behind it. He raised the possibility that it was almost idolatry to venerate the torah the way some people have a tendency to do. The important part is what is written, is what is embodied within klal yisrael.
The meaning and energy that I crave so desperately shouldn't be tied to whether or not I can hold a Torah in my arms. When I first started to become religious, I would cry when the ark opened because it felt as if I was suddenly in the presence of Hashem. I slowly learned to take that-- whatever it was that I felt-- and find it elsewhere in the davening and elsewhere. I suspect that process will take the rest of my life, trying to bring that feeling of holiness to every part of my life.
Still, sometimes I want to take a shortcut and dance with the men. Sometimes it seems as if they have the easier path.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
trying to connect
It's really hard to step outside of yourself and really try to understand another person. Everything is seen through your own filter of experiences and prejudices.
For example, I connect to Hashem through tefilah and through community. It's important to me to be in a place where the davening has energy. It's important to me, on shabbos and yom tov, to be around other people who feel the same way. I hate davening in isolation.
There are other ways to connect to Hashem, of course. There are people for whom davening is simply a rote list of words that they have to get through. That doesn't mean that they're bad Jews. They might, for example, connect to Hashem through the intricacies of doing mitzvot. They might be rigid about their observance because that is the primary way they get close to G-d.
I don't think that many people are on one extreme or the other. Most of us are probably somewhere in-between. Still, it is so hard for me to understand someone who doesn't experience a close, emotional connection to Hashem through prayer. I don't understand wanting to rush through the prayers.
Why is it so important for me to understand another person? Why can't I just accept things the way they are?
The holiday season is becoming extended for me, elongating into what seems to be an endless period of reflection. Maybe I just need some time alone to think. I rushed into Rosh Hashanah and then into Yom Kippur. Sukkot came too fast for me to even take breath. This is not supposed to be a stressful time. This is supposed to be my "reset" button, my chance to start over. Instead, I'm looking at everything on my to-do list and wondering when I can curl up in some quiet corner with my cat and pretend that the world has gone away.
For example, I connect to Hashem through tefilah and through community. It's important to me to be in a place where the davening has energy. It's important to me, on shabbos and yom tov, to be around other people who feel the same way. I hate davening in isolation.
There are other ways to connect to Hashem, of course. There are people for whom davening is simply a rote list of words that they have to get through. That doesn't mean that they're bad Jews. They might, for example, connect to Hashem through the intricacies of doing mitzvot. They might be rigid about their observance because that is the primary way they get close to G-d.
I don't think that many people are on one extreme or the other. Most of us are probably somewhere in-between. Still, it is so hard for me to understand someone who doesn't experience a close, emotional connection to Hashem through prayer. I don't understand wanting to rush through the prayers.
Why is it so important for me to understand another person? Why can't I just accept things the way they are?
The holiday season is becoming extended for me, elongating into what seems to be an endless period of reflection. Maybe I just need some time alone to think. I rushed into Rosh Hashanah and then into Yom Kippur. Sukkot came too fast for me to even take breath. This is not supposed to be a stressful time. This is supposed to be my "reset" button, my chance to start over. Instead, I'm looking at everything on my to-do list and wondering when I can curl up in some quiet corner with my cat and pretend that the world has gone away.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
resolutions
I have been trying to make up all the hours from the holidays. That leaves me very little time to think, write, or do anything else.
I spent Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur davening for clarity. I didn't quite get the answer I sought, but I did get a list of things I need to do during the coming year. I know that they're all very small, basic things, but I'm not good at following through with grand changes. Baby steps are more likely to succeed:
1. Work on my Hebrew. I bought the interlinear Tehillim thinking that I could use it to practice my Hebrew and increase my vocabulary. I tried the same thing with a siddur last year, but I really don't have hours to spend each day on my prayers, so those need to stay in English for now. Surely I can read one Psalm a day out loud.
2. Get better about my after-brachas. It is NOT that hard to memorize the after-brachas, at least not the shorter ones. I need to stop being lazy.
3. Start donating to a BT learning center I particularly admire. I don't give nearly as much tzedaka as I should. One of my friends gave me the idea of sending in 12 checks, 11 post-dated. Surely I can find $15 a month in my budget for this.
4. Create (and stick with) a plan to get out of debt. All of my tax refund needs to go towards paying off debt. That will take care of my one high-interest credit card. After that, I need to divert the money I was paying each month on that card to my car loan. Where did I get the idea that 6% was an acceptable interest rate? The economy is pretty scary right now; I need to get my house in order!
5. Get better about housework. I can't find the key to the box where I keep my jewelry. I've even lost a siddur! I need to get this house clean and keep it that way!
6. This is the one that isn't so small... I want to get engaged. I want to settle down. I need to break through the one thing that's really blocking me from this.
I hope everyone had a productive fast and was sealed for good in the Book of Life.
I spent Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur davening for clarity. I didn't quite get the answer I sought, but I did get a list of things I need to do during the coming year. I know that they're all very small, basic things, but I'm not good at following through with grand changes. Baby steps are more likely to succeed:
1. Work on my Hebrew. I bought the interlinear Tehillim thinking that I could use it to practice my Hebrew and increase my vocabulary. I tried the same thing with a siddur last year, but I really don't have hours to spend each day on my prayers, so those need to stay in English for now. Surely I can read one Psalm a day out loud.
2. Get better about my after-brachas. It is NOT that hard to memorize the after-brachas, at least not the shorter ones. I need to stop being lazy.
3. Start donating to a BT learning center I particularly admire. I don't give nearly as much tzedaka as I should. One of my friends gave me the idea of sending in 12 checks, 11 post-dated. Surely I can find $15 a month in my budget for this.
4. Create (and stick with) a plan to get out of debt. All of my tax refund needs to go towards paying off debt. That will take care of my one high-interest credit card. After that, I need to divert the money I was paying each month on that card to my car loan. Where did I get the idea that 6% was an acceptable interest rate? The economy is pretty scary right now; I need to get my house in order!
5. Get better about housework. I can't find the key to the box where I keep my jewelry. I've even lost a siddur! I need to get this house clean and keep it that way!
6. This is the one that isn't so small... I want to get engaged. I want to settle down. I need to break through the one thing that's really blocking me from this.
I hope everyone had a productive fast and was sealed for good in the Book of Life.
Friday, September 19, 2008
the right to worry
This market scares me.
The question, of course, is why? My job, B"H, is solid. I have a plan to get out of debt and nearly all of my non-mortgage debt is owed to the Bank of Mom and Dad (so "restructuring my debt" is easy should, G-d forbid, anything happen to my job). I believe in the same investing principles that have served my parents all these years-- invest regularly into a diversified portfolio and ignore the short-term market swings.
I may complain about cost of maintaining the Lovely Lemon, but my lifestyle certainly isn't at risk. I'm trying to cut back because I want to get out of debt as quickly as possible, not because I am actually struggling in any real way. I want to be like my parents some day, worry-free and secure, in a position to lend a helping hand someday to my own foolish daughter who purchased a home but didn't leave enough cash reserves to actually fix things as they broke.
Sometimes I wonder if maybe I wouldn't be better off if I didn't read the papers or listen to NPR. My doctor likes to mention the economy, checking to see if I'm stressed about it; he's a big believer in staying healthy through eating well, exercising and making sure to keep stress levels low. Other than his questions, I don't really have any exposure to anyone who is really suffering because of the current downturn. No one I know has lost their job. Everyone managed to refinance their mortgage before their rates reset. We might grumble about the cost of gas, but no one I know is *really* hurting. I sometimes overhear people gathered around the secretary's desk talking in quiet, worried voices. One woman said that everyone she knew had an interest-only loan. My gut-reaction is that they were crazy for ever considering an interest-only loan.. but perhaps I'm out of touch.
There are times when I wonder if I should stick my head in the sand and stop worrying. Other times I wonder if my head is already in the sand-- with all this fear buffered by the knowledge that the economy is unlikely to touch me in any real way.
I should just be glad that I have the luxury of worrying over whether or not I should be getting so upset over events that don't really affect me.
(Oh, and if anyone cares... There's another post at the other blog as well. It's equally self-absorbed. My excuse today is that it's 5am and I can't sleep because my back is aching. I'll come up with a different excuse next time.)
The question, of course, is why? My job, B"H, is solid. I have a plan to get out of debt and nearly all of my non-mortgage debt is owed to the Bank of Mom and Dad (so "restructuring my debt" is easy should, G-d forbid, anything happen to my job). I believe in the same investing principles that have served my parents all these years-- invest regularly into a diversified portfolio and ignore the short-term market swings.
I may complain about cost of maintaining the Lovely Lemon, but my lifestyle certainly isn't at risk. I'm trying to cut back because I want to get out of debt as quickly as possible, not because I am actually struggling in any real way. I want to be like my parents some day, worry-free and secure, in a position to lend a helping hand someday to my own foolish daughter who purchased a home but didn't leave enough cash reserves to actually fix things as they broke.
Sometimes I wonder if maybe I wouldn't be better off if I didn't read the papers or listen to NPR. My doctor likes to mention the economy, checking to see if I'm stressed about it; he's a big believer in staying healthy through eating well, exercising and making sure to keep stress levels low. Other than his questions, I don't really have any exposure to anyone who is really suffering because of the current downturn. No one I know has lost their job. Everyone managed to refinance their mortgage before their rates reset. We might grumble about the cost of gas, but no one I know is *really* hurting. I sometimes overhear people gathered around the secretary's desk talking in quiet, worried voices. One woman said that everyone she knew had an interest-only loan. My gut-reaction is that they were crazy for ever considering an interest-only loan.. but perhaps I'm out of touch.
There are times when I wonder if I should stick my head in the sand and stop worrying. Other times I wonder if my head is already in the sand-- with all this fear buffered by the knowledge that the economy is unlikely to touch me in any real way.
I should just be glad that I have the luxury of worrying over whether or not I should be getting so upset over events that don't really affect me.
(Oh, and if anyone cares... There's another post at the other blog as well. It's equally self-absorbed. My excuse today is that it's 5am and I can't sleep because my back is aching. I'll come up with a different excuse next time.)
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
all or nothing
A blogger I read recently wrote this before shutting down his blog:
"i want to do is poke holes in the doctrines that frum people follow. i want to explore inconsistencies especially in the nutty world of kiruv."
He removed the blog, apparently, because "the people who stick to the dogma will do it no matter where it leads them. the people that think the dogma is crazy don't need my ammunition."
What ever happened to the middle path? What ever happened to poking fun at ourselves and what we do? Why does everything have to be "love it or leave it?" Why is it better to be silent?
(Yeah, I know, I've been pretty silent myself-- but I'm working on it.)
I love laughing at the kiruv silliness-- with the warm teasing I would use towards a beloved sister-- and none of that changes the fact that some of my favorite shabboses are with kiruv-happy folk.
I think that it's healthy to constantly re-examine what we believe and why we believe it. I think that it's okay to keep halacha for unorthodox reasons-- because there are a million "reasons" to do any given thing.
Am I crazy?
"i want to do is poke holes in the doctrines that frum people follow. i want to explore inconsistencies especially in the nutty world of kiruv."
He removed the blog, apparently, because "the people who stick to the dogma will do it no matter where it leads them. the people that think the dogma is crazy don't need my ammunition."
What ever happened to the middle path? What ever happened to poking fun at ourselves and what we do? Why does everything have to be "love it or leave it?" Why is it better to be silent?
(Yeah, I know, I've been pretty silent myself-- but I'm working on it.)
I love laughing at the kiruv silliness-- with the warm teasing I would use towards a beloved sister-- and none of that changes the fact that some of my favorite shabboses are with kiruv-happy folk.
I think that it's healthy to constantly re-examine what we believe and why we believe it. I think that it's okay to keep halacha for unorthodox reasons-- because there are a million "reasons" to do any given thing.
Am I crazy?
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
on debt
Wow... it's been a really long time since I posted to either blog.
I've gotten caught up in a lot of mechanical issues about the kind of life I want to live and how I'm going to go about doing that. I guess that's appropriate for the month leading up to Rosh Hashana.
I injured my back a bit before Tisha B'Av and spent that shabbos lying on a couch having bits of "The Tightwad Gazette" read to me. I highly recommend that book, by the way. Some of the suggestions are hilarious, some are useful, and all of it is well written.
I must have been a bit high off of the pain killers, because I started an impossibly aggressive debt-reduction plan. (Okay, I started that crazy plan before I injured my back, so I suppose I have no excuse except my own stupidity.) Only now after two months of having to resort to eating dried beans because I miscalculated what I would need... I think I'm going to draw up some new amortization charts. The new payments will still be harsh ($945.66/month... in addition to the mortgage and car payments) but will have me clear of all debt except for mortgage and car in two years with enough left over for a more realistic food budget. Unless, of course, something else breaks on the house. Still, after having replaced the roof, hot water heater, windows, heat pump, one bathroom, two ceilings and the wall of the rec room... I'm not sure how much more *can* go wrong in my lovely lemon of a townhouse.
G-d willing, by the time I'm mostly debt free, the housing market will have improved to the point where I can trade in my lovely lemon for a "real" house in a frum neighborhood.
Then I can start saving for tuition. Day school tuition scares the daylights out of me, actually. I can shift the money I'm putting into my 401K to cover tuition for the first child, but the second? Where's that going to come from? The C's homeschool their children, but it looks like I'm going to be the primary breadwinner for the foreseeable future. Besides, I'm not qualified to teach anything more than secular studies.
K would laugh at me if she read this post. It's far too premature for me to worry about tuition payments. Then again, the only thing I am good at is long term planning. My monthly budget is in a shambles, which is why I had to re-adjust those amortization charts. I don't have the willpower to deny all my "wants"-- I just don't have what it takes to turn down that bargain $30 opera ticket... or that perfect Purim costume I saw at the local Ren Faire... not yet. It's pure foolishness to go without meat so that I can get that opera ticket but, well, I guess I'm still foolish. It's okay to still be a "work in progress," right?
I've gotten caught up in a lot of mechanical issues about the kind of life I want to live and how I'm going to go about doing that. I guess that's appropriate for the month leading up to Rosh Hashana.
I injured my back a bit before Tisha B'Av and spent that shabbos lying on a couch having bits of "The Tightwad Gazette" read to me. I highly recommend that book, by the way. Some of the suggestions are hilarious, some are useful, and all of it is well written.
I must have been a bit high off of the pain killers, because I started an impossibly aggressive debt-reduction plan. (Okay, I started that crazy plan before I injured my back, so I suppose I have no excuse except my own stupidity.) Only now after two months of having to resort to eating dried beans because I miscalculated what I would need... I think I'm going to draw up some new amortization charts. The new payments will still be harsh ($945.66/month... in addition to the mortgage and car payments) but will have me clear of all debt except for mortgage and car in two years with enough left over for a more realistic food budget. Unless, of course, something else breaks on the house. Still, after having replaced the roof, hot water heater, windows, heat pump, one bathroom, two ceilings and the wall of the rec room... I'm not sure how much more *can* go wrong in my lovely lemon of a townhouse.
G-d willing, by the time I'm mostly debt free, the housing market will have improved to the point where I can trade in my lovely lemon for a "real" house in a frum neighborhood.
Then I can start saving for tuition. Day school tuition scares the daylights out of me, actually. I can shift the money I'm putting into my 401K to cover tuition for the first child, but the second? Where's that going to come from? The C's homeschool their children, but it looks like I'm going to be the primary breadwinner for the foreseeable future. Besides, I'm not qualified to teach anything more than secular studies.
K would laugh at me if she read this post. It's far too premature for me to worry about tuition payments. Then again, the only thing I am good at is long term planning. My monthly budget is in a shambles, which is why I had to re-adjust those amortization charts. I don't have the willpower to deny all my "wants"-- I just don't have what it takes to turn down that bargain $30 opera ticket... or that perfect Purim costume I saw at the local Ren Faire... not yet. It's pure foolishness to go without meat so that I can get that opera ticket but, well, I guess I'm still foolish. It's okay to still be a "work in progress," right?
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
burning down the house
The re-kashering process was supposed to finish up last week. We lit the burners and ran off to Home Depot for a blech and Plexiglas for the countertops. I came back to the restive sound of my smoke detectors going off.
My boyfriend, who has been orchestrating this whole endeavor, is used to kashering kitchens with gas stoves. Apparently electric stoves get much hotter than gas ones. The first time I kashered my kitchen, I only heated the burners until they were red hot. I didn't turn them on high and leave them for two hours.
Yes, I know... never ever leave burners unattended. What can I say? Intelligence has never been my strong suit.
I have an old wine bottle collection sitting on the edge of my stove, against the backsplash. The heat from the burners caused the labels to blacken and melt. Stuff from the vent above the stove melted and dripped onto to the stove top and those red-hot burners.
I am very very lucky that I didn't come home to an open fire. We burnt our fingers turning off the knobs on the stove, but eventually everything cooled down. The unidenfiable something that dripped onto the area between the burners rendered it all unkosher, but at least three burners got done.
Home Depot doesn't cut Plexiglas, so I have to order it from elsewhere, but I am going to enjoy my $7 blech. And to think, I thought everything would be finished in a week. Silly me! Well, hopefully from this point on, the worst thing to worry about will be picking out my new dishes. I am a huge fan of the Colonial Williamsburg "Openwork Creamware" pattern, but as I this is something I actually plan to do and not some silly girlhood fantasy... I think I'll be looking at dishes from Target or Costco instead.
(For those who are interested, there are two new posts up at AnotherBT.)
My boyfriend, who has been orchestrating this whole endeavor, is used to kashering kitchens with gas stoves. Apparently electric stoves get much hotter than gas ones. The first time I kashered my kitchen, I only heated the burners until they were red hot. I didn't turn them on high and leave them for two hours.
Yes, I know... never ever leave burners unattended. What can I say? Intelligence has never been my strong suit.
I have an old wine bottle collection sitting on the edge of my stove, against the backsplash. The heat from the burners caused the labels to blacken and melt. Stuff from the vent above the stove melted and dripped onto to the stove top and those red-hot burners.
I am very very lucky that I didn't come home to an open fire. We burnt our fingers turning off the knobs on the stove, but eventually everything cooled down. The unidenfiable something that dripped onto the area between the burners rendered it all unkosher, but at least three burners got done.
Home Depot doesn't cut Plexiglas, so I have to order it from elsewhere, but I am going to enjoy my $7 blech. And to think, I thought everything would be finished in a week. Silly me! Well, hopefully from this point on, the worst thing to worry about will be picking out my new dishes. I am a huge fan of the Colonial Williamsburg "Openwork Creamware" pattern, but as I this is something I actually plan to do and not some silly girlhood fantasy... I think I'll be looking at dishes from Target or Costco instead.
(For those who are interested, there are two new posts up at AnotherBT.)
Thursday, July 3, 2008
rekashering the kitchen
I'm rekashering my kitchen. In a way, it's strangely therapeutic. When I first decided to have a kosher kitchen, I purchased the cheapest dishes and announced to myself that I was keeping "student-kosher," that this was a learning experience and eventually I'd throw it all out and start over "for real." I told my orthodox friends to consider my kitchen treif for all practical purposes. That confused some and amused others. It was a toss-up as to whether they'd appreciate my concern that I'd accidentally serve something that (through my own ignorance or clumsiness) wasn't up to their standards, or whether they'd be annoyed at my lack of confidence in my own abilities. Or, perhaps they worried I was just reserving the right to pick and choose my own rules, which was even worse.
I'm not sure why I decided that *right now* was the proper time to begin my "for real" kitchen. Perhaps it's because I'm spending more time with a man who loves to cook and knows how to kasher a kitchen properly. Perhaps it's because I'm trying to talk my orthodox cousins into staying with me during their summer vacations. Perhaps it's because I need a change in my life. I'm tired of treading water. It's time to start moving on. Then again, maybe it's simply that there is something soothing about packing up all my dishes and shipping them off to Goodwill.
(For those of who read AnotherBT, there's a new post there as well.)
I'm not sure why I decided that *right now* was the proper time to begin my "for real" kitchen. Perhaps it's because I'm spending more time with a man who loves to cook and knows how to kasher a kitchen properly. Perhaps it's because I'm trying to talk my orthodox cousins into staying with me during their summer vacations. Perhaps it's because I need a change in my life. I'm tired of treading water. It's time to start moving on. Then again, maybe it's simply that there is something soothing about packing up all my dishes and shipping them off to Goodwill.
(For those of who read AnotherBT, there's a new post there as well.)
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
meditation
I read a post a few weeks back on a meditation exercise to try while davening. It talked about holding your hands and envisioning your words forming a ball in your hands that you periodically release and send up to Hashem. I've been trying to find the post and can't. Does anyone have any idea what I'm talking about?
I don't think I did it right... My hands felt so heavy, like they were being forced apart. I spent far too much time thinking about the ball and my hands. I got so caught up in the mechanics of it all that it makes me think that I've missed the point entirely. I wish I could find that post again... Please drop me a note if you have any idea where I should look. Thanks!
I don't think I did it right... My hands felt so heavy, like they were being forced apart. I spent far too much time thinking about the ball and my hands. I got so caught up in the mechanics of it all that it makes me think that I've missed the point entirely. I wish I could find that post again... Please drop me a note if you have any idea where I should look. Thanks!
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