Getting into Debt... and Purim

In a blog I read, someone posted about how sad it was to see people who didn't even have to pay tuition yet get into credit card debt. That got me started thinking... How did I get here?

A lot of it is easily explainable. The Lovely Lemon needed a new roof. The washing machine started decorating my clothes with big black marks. The hot water heater died. The repair man said that he couldn't keep patching up my heat pump. A ceiling collapsed. (Apparently that last was happening all over the neighborhood.) I could go on for a whole "woe is me" post about the Lovely Lemon.

Of course, there is also the other side. I remember when we all got our first "real" jobs out of college. We were making so much more than we ever had before... the money seemed endless. One guy who who was making a mint as a programmer frequently took all his friends out drinks at the local bar (with the inevitable $1,000 bar tab). I knew people who had never used their kitchen to cook; every meal was eaten out. No one counted the cost of going to the movies or looked at the price tag when they bought a new blouse. Everyone drove a new car and had their own beautifully furnished apartment.

Compared to that... I was renting a room and saving up for my own place. Absolutely everyone I knew had a car loan, so that seemed a normal enough expense. I developed a taste for the theater and my season tickets gave me an excuse not to work late every night. I liked going to a dress ball once a year and, of course, each year I had to outdo the dress I wore the year before. But, I comforted myself, it was only one fancy dress a year. It was nothing like the expensive designer wardrobes the other women at work had. Later, ball gowns were replaced by fancy purim costumes. I went on an organic kick and bought overpriced everything because it claimed to be better for the environment.

At the same time, I was maxing out my 401k. I bought my own home which was mostly furnished with hand-me-downs from when friends or my parents upgraded. Didn't I deserve my little treats? They were so much less compared to everyone else. At some point, things got a bit out of control. I consolidated with the Bank of Mom and Dad and started cutting back. That was hard at first, but I found ways to make sure that my credit cards never got to the point where my tax return wasn't enough to pay them off. It was so frustrating to feel that I was making an excellent salary, being "sensible," and *still* sliding into debt. Dad said that I was doing a great job with my 401K and could afford to cut back a couple of percentage points to make my life a little easier.

Then the bottom fell out of the economy. I have 14 years left on my mortgage. My job is rock solid. Still... it's not the same as when the tech bubble collapsed. Everyone is cutting back. Everyone is frightened. I'm suddenly uncomfortable with my car loan. I started clipping coupons and helping out friends who are having a hard time putting food on the table. I downloaded an Excel amortization worksheet and started drawing up charts for getting everything paid off as quickly as possible.

I remember, as a girl, when the bottom fell out of the industry that Daddy worked in. I remember him bring bags of groceries to former co-workers. I remember being scared.

At the same time I want to cut back, I want to do more in other areas. I've been trying to increase my tzedaka. I'm giving more shalach manos. I'm trying to do it in a sensible way with 50 cent gift bags from Big Lots and just a little bottle to drink and one small box of candy per person. I'm new enough to orthodox Judaism that I don't want anyone to have to worry about the state of my kitchen. The cost of shalach manos worked out to be less than $50 for everyone. That was more expensive than I would have liked, but there are other places in my budget I can trim to come up with $50. I've been having second thoughts about taking that $100 from my windfall to spend on myself anyway... I'm worried it might undermine my attempts at setting up a budget-happy mindset. The $15 rebate check I got in the mail the other day is going straight to the car loan. The same goes for the $30 Quicken rebate check. I've already spent that money and readjusted my monthly budget around not having it-- might as well put the rebate checks against the car loan.

I think I'm doing okay. I recently spent a shabbos with the woman who turned me on to the Complete Tightwad Gazette and she thinks I'm doing fine... but how much of this feeling that things are on the right track due to my tax refunds and that windfall. How much of it will evaporate once that money is gone?

And, of course, I'm still going to wear that expensive Purim costume I bought last summer.