trying to connect

It's really hard to step outside of yourself and really try to understand another person. Everything is seen through your own filter of experiences and prejudices.

For example, I connect to Hashem through tefilah and through community. It's important to me to be in a place where the davening has energy. It's important to me, on shabbos and yom tov, to be around other people who feel the same way. I hate davening in isolation.

There are other ways to connect to Hashem, of course. There are people for whom davening is simply a rote list of words that they have to get through. That doesn't mean that they're bad Jews. They might, for example, connect to Hashem through the intricacies of doing mitzvot. They might be rigid about their observance because that is the primary way they get close to G-d.

I don't think that many people are on one extreme or the other. Most of us are probably somewhere in-between. Still, it is so hard for me to understand someone who doesn't experience a close, emotional connection to Hashem through prayer. I don't understand wanting to rush through the prayers.

Why is it so important for me to understand another person? Why can't I just accept things the way they are?

The holiday season is becoming extended for me, elongating into what seems to be an endless period of reflection. Maybe I just need some time alone to think. I rushed into Rosh Hashanah and then into Yom Kippur. Sukkot came too fast for me to even take breath. This is not supposed to be a stressful time. This is supposed to be my "reset" button, my chance to start over. Instead, I'm looking at everything on my to-do list and wondering when I can curl up in some quiet corner with my cat and pretend that the world has gone away.